sadness

Haven't written in this thing in quite awhile. I just finished reading Nights in Rodanthe and it made me miss my husband a lot. Can't wait to see him tomorrow! I just feel sad tonight for specific reasons so I'm gonna type my feelings out, and not think about how heavy they weigh on my heart anymore. Its out of my control so I'm giving it up to God.

What's sad is losing trust that we spent a lifetime building
What's sad is that our relationship is tarnished
What's sad is that you're so naive and immature
What's sad is that I only want the very best for you
What's sad is that you don't see it coming
What's sad is that my heart is screaming for you
What's sad is that I've been there so I know how it is
What's sad is that there's nothing I can do
What's sad is that you could become a victim
What's sad is that you could become a statistic
What's sad is that you are missed so much more than you realize
What's sad is that you keep doing wrong
What's sad is that if you would only open your eyes, you would see everything
What's sad is that you have so much potential

the busy bee known as me :-)

My 3rd post! YAY! I'm still figuring this blog out, but I really haven't had too much time to focus energy on it. I'm automatically busy by being a mommy, and a wife... and I've added setting school up, planning Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas, house-warming, our wedding anniversary AND vow renewals! Photos, festivals, the normal household duties (I'm a CLEAN FREAK) and just L I F E. I haven't had much time to even think about "social-networking" and I'm not complaining. I don't really like facebook, except for adding pictures and checking in with people. Myspace is dead too. I hate twitter. And any other website I've missed out lol.I don't know what it is about fb, but I can't stand the way a lot of people act on there. I just want to say THIS ISN'T REAL LIFE! No one cares to read what you're doing every second of every day. Also, I HATE when people are fake on there or all about the drama. You can say anything you want on a silly website, but what counts is what you DO. Actions really do speak louder than words. I LOVE keeping up with my heart families and high school friends though. The internet just doesn't seem real to me....kind of like spending too much time on here is taking away from real life. Which is actually pretty accurate. So I'll still be adding pics, updates, etc...just not as frequently as most.  No facebook,myspace,twitter,etc could ever compare to living real life and making wonderful memories :-).... Atleast not MY life or memories!

On a different note, today is the 2 month angelversary of the 2 precious angels we had to give back to God. I've learned a huuuuuuuge amount of life lessons going to Wren High. We've lost TOO MANY classmates, and each one we lose hurts even more than the last. Life is really to short to worry about anything or anyone that doesn't truly matter. I've told my sister a few times to cherish the people she goes to school with because they won't be here forever and you can't get them back. Live life for our loved ones who no longer have the option. I'll just end there because I have too many feelings and words to say for a silly little blog. <3 0:-)

7 isn't a lucky number lately...

7 (probably more that I'm unaware of) precious CHDers have been lost in the past few days. Its heartbreaking and terrifying, but I will keep faith and pray for these families. We have to take one day at a time. Last night, I found myself just staring at Emmett without even realizing it. I was staring at his sweet little curls, his loooooong eyelashes and beautiful blue eyes, his perfect nose and full lips. He has the most infectious smile of any child I've ever known. He is so far beyond beautiful its ridiculous...not only outside, but inside. Its so hard to imagine him not here with us, even though the negative/scary thoughts can creep in sometimes. I got him a t-shirt the other day that said "LifeSaver" on it- it was made to look like a lifeguard's shirt- because he has saved our lives. Maybe not physically, as a lifeguard does, but emotionally. He's a lifeguard of the heart and soul...haha :-). Emmett has brought so much more to our lives than we could ever give to him. He has made us the very best of who we can be. For me, he's taught me about life and love, and brought a happiness like no other. He's brought passion and inspiration. Because of him, I want to BE more and truly live. There are no words to describe my love and adoration for him. I am so grateful to have him, "broken" heart and all. I would go through everything we've been through over and over again for him. He hasn't had the easiest road, but he's here and he's HIM. and that means so much more to me than having an ordinary baby. He's extraordinary and he makes life extraordinary! I will thank God every single second for his life, and for giving me the most amazing responsibility and trusting me with such a miraculous, special little boy. Emmett for STRENGTH! <3



a few things I would like to add:
*Congenital Heart Defects are America's and every other country's #1 birth defect
*CHDs are the leading cause of infant deaths and #1 cause of birth defect related deaths (in America)
*aprx. 40,000 babies are born every year with CHD. Many won't see their first birthdays and thousands will die before adulthood.
* For the first time, more than 50% of CHD survivors are adults (AWESOME!)
*In the United States, twice as many children die from congenital heart defects each year than from all forms of childhood cancer combined, yet funding for pediatric cancer research is five times higher than funding for CHD. 
*There are more than 40 different types of congenital heart defects. Little is known about the cause of most of them. There is no known prevention or cure for any of them.

Introduction

Hello blog world! This is my brand-spankin-new blog, and I'm fairly excited about it. I'm not sure how often I'll post, but I'm excited to see where this takes me. I usually feel like I'm wasting time by being on the net. Nowadays, I'm not a fan of wasting time. So we'll see. Anywho, this is the part where I introduce myself and the very most important people in my life. Halloween is my FAVORITE holiday. My favorite color is yellow. I'm addicted to iced coffees/frappes. I would rather fish than shop...I love outdoors! I don't really like makeup and I love my tshirts more than my cute clothes. I adore animals, which probably explains why I live with a "farm" lol. I am wife to Thomas, who is my rock and my best friend from day 1. We've literally been joined at the hip since the first time we saw each other. I can't imagine the last 5 years without him. 1 of the most wonderful feelings is being the half to a whole... completeting a person. The other most wonderful feeling is being a mommy. Especially Emmett's mommy. Our son was born July 18, 2008 at 7:01 pm. 6lbs 9oz, 3 1/2 weeks early at Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston. I love being asked if we got his name from Twilight, which has happened quite a few times lol. His name means strength, and there is no one who deserves such a name more than him! See, our baby boy isn't just our baby boy... he's so much more than our son. He's our warrior, our super hero. Emmett was born with a severe CHD known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. Physically, he pretty much only has half of his heart, his right half. He had The Norwood (open heart surgery) at 6 days old and The Glenn at 3 months old. We're awaiting his last surgery in the series, his Fontan. Its a hard pill to swallow when you're told by your newborn's heart surgeon to be optimistic, but realistic. This is what we were told before Emmett's first surgery, because The Norwood is one of the most complicated and dangerous surgeries ever. It was terrifying at first, but once we got past that part and started focusing on recovery, I felt a lot better. Don't get me wrong, the recovery was extremely hard and scary, too. Those are the negative aspects we've had to deal with on this amazingly emotional journey. We were not only BRAND NEW parents, but parents to a special little miracle. Becoming a parent for the first time is scary enough without adding the extras. You can try with all your might to prepare yourself to see your perfect newborn after open heart surgery, but its something you won't understand until you face it. I gathered all of my strength, and strength from Thomas too...but no matter, it just wasn't enough. By far, the hardest time in my life thus far was seeing Emmett after his first surgery. I'll save all the details for another blog. I think my next blog will be the negatives and positives of being a heart parent. I know what you're thinking, if you are the average parent... "Oh my God, I can't imagine going through that. I can't imagine my child going through that. How could there be a positive side to it?" Well, regardless of what you're thinking, there is. Atleast there is for us. See, we don't believe in focusing on the negatives in my house. We don't even really believe in complaining about little, insignificant things...although on bad days, we can't resist. In my family, we recognize that Emmett is a special, extraordinary little one and he's treated like the greatest blessing ever (Because he is.) BUT- he is NOT treated like he's handicapped, weak, or pitiable. We don't pity Emmett, because there simply is no reason to. That's one of the things that bothers me about outsiders. I know people mean well, but its actually offensive to us when they offer sympathy or pity. He's the strongest person we've EVER known. Sure, he's been through Hell and back and fights daily for life. Every second with him is more than we've been promised. But he is a warrior, and the strongest one at that. I remember one time someone explaining to someone else who didn't know Emmett's story that he was "fragile" and  I remember the feeling that gave me. In my eyes, in OUR eyes, Emmett is the farthest thing from fragile. He can't be around cigarette smoke... but NO kid should be. We have to be careful in flu season.... so should every other family with little ones. I try my hardest to make sure he eats very healthy... everyone needs to eat healthy. So in reality, its not that he's fragile, its just that we care enough to make sure he is the very healthiest he can be. And he's VERY healthy. So don't pull a sympathy card on us, just love on Emmett (which is the easiest thing to do when you see his big blue eyes and blonde curly ques..)
Wow, its easier than I expected to write a ton on this thing. I'll save the rest for another time. Until then.... Peace, hope, love <3